It is already decided. After the long time of uncertainty and anxieties, I made up my mind, I took a definitive, awaited and immutable decision. Yes. At last I can say it out loud - I will have a tattoo.

Something what roamed on my mind and in the heart for a few years, will finally come true. It's not only a sign on the body, but also extremely important symbol which will get into my soul forever. Something what's very close to me, what many times, after many falls helped me to stand up and to go ahead, confident and full of powers. On my skin, something only mine, personal, mysterious, of what only I know the real meaning, will come into being.

Unfortunately, for the safety reasons I have to postpone the realization date of this small dream for a few next months, but if necessary, then necessary, I can't risk, there are some priorities which it's necessary to put first. However there's luck in leisure and after all, the perfectly prepared plan will take place. I can't wait of both, the passing of these few months, and the new part of me. It will be a new beginning of everything.

Imperishable, precious, steadfast. Beautiful and irreproachable. Best friends of the woman, wonders about which world enthuses. Valuable trinkets, satisfying  even these most fastidious personages.

They are normal decorative elements, gifts, as well as also often symbolize the miracle of the relationship of two people who love each other and want to spend the entire life together.

Small, bigger - all with the enormous value. Not financial, but sentimental. Rich in feelings contained in them.

Irrespective whet you got them without the occasion, for celebration, or in the ring from the beloved man, asking if will you marry him... Remember that this stone isn't a trinket, but the treasure trove of tremendous feelings to which it will give the shelter forever.

A few days ago, and exactly on 13th of February there was my 19th birthday. On the meter the next year of life, new paths trodden, basket filled up up to edges with the experience... And what next?

I am surprised with changes which happened to myself, because... Say what you like, but I wouldn't expect such pranks of the fate... And what's more -in one year! I have always known that an eight is my lucky number, so on my eighteenth birthday somewhere or other subconsciously in my heart of hearts I hoped, that being "eighteen" the lucky star which will carry something unusual into my life will take care of me.

The last twelve months of my life were absolute ride in the roller coaster, but what an excellent ride. At that time the most of probably most beautiful things happened in my life which I want to look after and to keep in my heart already forever. Feelings which I got, are brilliants amongst all which I know and I suspect, that even when I'm already over the 70-years-old old lady, at the thought of the year, when I was 18-years-old and about everything what happened then, I'll get a tear to my eye, if streams don't come.

I don't want to dwell it on, what bad, unpleasant and sad... It happened, I won't forget, but also I won't live it, block, close on new and better which is coming.

This year which I survived, changed me diametrically. It revealed world to me. Showed the life. This true, sweet and bitter. It taught a lot of valuable lessons. Realized, whom I love, whom I hate. Pointed who loves me and will stay with me forever, will support above all else, and who wants to destroy and is my biggest enemy.

It was a beautiful time of revelations, tries, mistakes and wonderful decisions for entire life which will be based on my future.

And what the time from the sign of the nineteen will bring to me? I'm waiting impatiently in order to get to know paths which the fate prepared for me.

When one day someone strange for the first time told me they had recognised the author of this blog in me, the blogger, I was surprised. Even very much surprised. It was a quite big shock for the person accustomed for tacit life in the shadow of oneself. I remember that for a few days later it still made me happy and evoked the smile on my face just by thinking.

First such an episode took place about a year ago, what looking from the present-day perspective is a sizeable piece of the time. From that moment many moments passed... Days, weeks, months... Life was going calmly, with normal mode, as far as... Such situations started to repeat, to grow with power, gaining bigger and bigger reach.

At present, here and now something incredible happens. At least in my eyes something incredible, because despite everything still I didn't become accustomed to different than through the majority of my life situation, that is... I can't believe, that as it turned out, the plenty of persons scattered all over the world, coming from and living in various countries, know whom I am, know and recognize me very well, what many times I was already surprised by, when during trips and not only a strange man came to me, started a conversation or asked for the photo together.

What kind of feeling is it? Great shock, surprise and a little anxiety. After all who would expect such the turn of events? Whatever way to look - certainly not I. In the end a question is still resounding through the mind: but how is it possible? How is it possible that abroad know about my being far more of people than in the native country? I don't know, but I'm pleased with it. It is something happy what sometimes causes that I smile and the nice surprise from the life. Who knows, what will happen in a few years, perhaps it is only a beginning of the wonderful adventure.

Great chase, ceaseless rat race. Various ideas, sophisticated tricks, lies and illusions. People are bending over backwards, are cheating other, but first of all themselves, they are able to give in to all tortures, if only to achieve the excellence and to become an ideal. For such a name many would be able to do everything literally.

Unfortunately, many times in this endless run, more and more persons are losing themselves, forget whom really are and drowning in the artificiality. Are plunging into illusions, playing the game with themselves.

However for what to chase something, what unattainable, impossible to get, what doesn't actually exist? Why so many people forget, that exactly our advantages and disadvantages, the truth and the naturalness are making each of us exceptional and unique?

There are no perfect people, there are no perfect things, nothing is perfect, but after all there is so lot of beauty in this world. The beauty which is often undervalued. It's worth to remember about it.

This is the end of the silence.

Yes. I was a victim of the stalker. However maybe I should say still I am. After all I don't know, whether my oppressor already gave up, whether still is plotting in secret, although everything speaks for this second. So it looks like the fact that I will have to still wait for real breath. How long? I don't have a clue.

Yes. For a few last years I had a stalker. A person which didn't actually know me didn't let me normally, calmly live. Even today I don't know what's the reason, why she chose just me and most probably I will never know. I'm not able to explain rationally why I became an object of her obsession and ill delusions. Why she decided to follow me, to spy, to track every my step. Why I became an object of her sobotage, of harassing, slandering, rumours and harrying. For what a reason such a monster started doing everything in order to with force enter into my life. Why it actually started to live with my life. Why such a person started to emulate me, to copy... Why? There is million of questions "why". All remain the imponderable. For all only this creature knows the reply.

Entire years of torment, precariousness and anxieties. What will be next, what else will invent, what can I expect, if I am safe, what to do in order to protect myself and people close to my heart. Multiple hope that this nightmare is already finished, that this paranoia came to an end. Unfortunately - hopes were misleading. Every time silence set in, it turned out to be the calm before the storm. The calm before the storm and still waters run deep. Yes, these are perfect terms of the situation. And after silence... Next attacks took place and next facts came to light. The person completely mentally unstable and with strong personality disorders, plus probably apart from that with the fairly big collection of complexes, not-knowing limits neither moderation, followed me. In spite of all tries of total dissociation, of setting up a barricade - she tracked every smallest, even only putative trace of me. It was unbearable.

Yes. I know what it stalking, I survived it for a few years and I am dreaming that such terror comes to an end. Limits are about to break, perhaps it is already a time, so that justice has been done.

I recommend nobody such a hell. I wish for no man must fight in his life with stalker which doesn't have own life and wants to destroy someone's.

Despite everything, my psyche started becoming stronger and and stronger and the endurance grew enough that I am able to smile, to laugh, to live normally, to function and to be pleased with every my day, because I have a lot of reasons to happiness and joy. And I know one thing for sure - this person will never manage to achieve her goal.

For as long as I can remember I didn't understand, I don't understand and I will never understand people which are obsessed with someone. People which act like the zombie, like they had brain devoured. Complete lack of the mind, not to mention the own life. Characters which chose innocent victims and are doing everything to impersonate their life, to stalk, to spy, to copy. They don't have a clue what is respect to the other man, by force are meddling where no one wants them. Reasons of their action are often unknown, sometimes unreciprocated love is a culprit, sometimes the revenge, though most often the solution of a riddle is simple: jealousy, resentment and complexes. Huge, irresistible desire for assuming someone's life, of being like this somebody. Person ill about someone usually thinks, that if becomes a better version of his victim, will be super, however forgetting that it is unfeasible. Such people can't see the man, they can see the object. The target which they want to destroy or to become him. Instead of to focus on themselves and improving own life, of work so that honestly it becomes better, they prefer to become parasites and for days on end, weeks, months not to say years to spy and to follow the person, they are obsessed with, who is all the world for them, and want to know everything about her, to become better than this person is and many times additionally to harm such innocent man which never did anything to them.

What is the logic and the sens in this - I don't know. If at any time somebody will explain to me the ill acting of such psychopaths (it's impossible to call them another way), I will be eternally grateful to him and I will give the Nobel Prize, because it really is inconceivable, how is it possible to fall so low.